My Ideal Person:
If I were to create my ideal woman, she would have the following qualities

1. She must ABSOLUTELY believe in my hopes, dreams, and goals (including the big film career, my hopes to rewrite the country's education system, reduce air pollution, and create World Peace) ---- seriously, I'm gonna have to convince enough people of this stuff, I can't waste time convincing my woman to come along this journey with me --- therefore, she'll simply have to believe in me from the get-go

2a. She should probably enjoy watching hours of The Simpsons, Futurama (now on Cartoon Network and Telemundo) and Home Movies (Cartoon Network) --- if she doesn't enjoy that, well, we simply won't get along for very long (hey that rhymed!)

3. She doesn't do drugs --- however, if she's an addict, I would help her kick off the habit --- then we'd have sweet sweet love

3a. Painkillers, like Vicodin, are an exception, only when she is in pain though

4. Very little drinking --- I may be Liberterian --- but I have pledged to never engage in the art of love-making with a drunk woman --- since my woman and I would be very 'active,' well, the drinking would simply get in the way of all of this

5. Adventurous as a 'partner'

5a. No, I'm not expecting backdoor stuff, but be adventurous, nonetheless
7. Great Conversationalist ---- yes, I love a good conversation --- however, I've always enjoyed spending time with a woman who doesn't talk much.......... hmmmm....... okay, list 'Great Conversationalist' under the TBD column

8. Doesn't mind being called 'Babe' all the time

9. Enjoys Ice Cream --- otherwise, we'll have severe conflicts over what to eat for dinner on most nights

9a. Cookies are a fine substitute for Ice Cream, btw, provided that they are either made of Sugar or Chocolate Chips........ and served with Whole Milk....... none of that 2% crap.....

INCENTIVES --- these aren't required, but they'd be nice

1. She gives me a good nickname

1a. Preferably one that ends with a 'y'........ like 'Squishy' or 'Bubby'

1b. Someone called me 'Little One' recently --- at first I was adverse to it, but now, i don't mind being called Little One --- so that will count under the 'Cute' category too........ however, Little Oney would be even cooler!

2. A nice behind --- especially HUGE ones! HUGE!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

3. Hopefully doesn't smoke --- have you ever kissed someone who smoked?? I once had an ex that smoked........ it was a drag (no pun intended) ..... However, I would love to help her in the process of quitting smoking --- I could buy her those 'Patches' and then we could make sweet sweet love

4. Isn't racist --- after all, I'm a minority....... so it would be nice if she wasn't racist